You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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