he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
