why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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