Someone shit on the floor
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
