I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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