Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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