the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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