Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
