I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
