There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
