Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
