let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
