i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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