I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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