she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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