I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Houston, we have a squirter
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
