I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
