she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
