um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
