Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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