I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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