Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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