I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
