guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
my vag is so smooth its legendary
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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