My hand turned me down
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
