allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
