i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
