Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
