There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Randomize
