If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
