I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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