i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
