I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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