i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
