i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
