I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
