I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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