The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
