I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
