I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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