My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
