You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
