Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
