I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
