This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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