Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
