are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
