my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
