Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
