capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
