He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
