Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
