my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
