I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
