how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I would ride that face into the sunset
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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