I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
