America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
